Hangover
by Lady Alyss
Summary: Alternative ending to "Skulduggery Pleasant and the Odd Coincidence" It needed to be said and in a very M rated way.


This was an alternate ending to _Skulduggery Pleasant and the Odd Coincidence_ but it was just so good that I couldn't let it go! DO NOT ASK FOR MORE AFTER THIS OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND EAT YOU! :() *crunch!*

and Valkyrie is about the age she is in 'Anniversary', about 80, 90, 100 ish, NOT 13. i dont DO paedophilia!

* * *

Valkyrie groaned as she sat up, rubbing her hands along her head. She wondered why there was a class of hyperactive five year old in there, having fun on a percussion set. Opening her eyes against the seemingly blinding light, she realised she was in Skulduggery's main sitting room. She then realised she was in his chair, which was alarming. What was even more alarming was that she was only wearing her dressing gown, loosely tied. Most alarming of all was that Skulduggery was underneath her, sans his jacket with his shirt undone. "Skulduggery?"

"Please stop talking."

"Skulduggery..."

"Please stop talking."

"Skulduggery, what the hell is going on?"

"Please stop talking." She promptly pushed him off the chair and took the chance to retie her dressing gown. "I'm going to go with 'ow'," Skulduggery groaned from the floor.

"Skulduggery, why are we both half naked on your chair?" If Skulduggery could have moved any less, he would've.

"What gives you that idea?" he said slowly.

"The fact we were both half naked on your chair was the give away."

"I can see why you would think that."

"Skulduggery, are you taking this even the slightest bit seriously?"

"I don't really want to."

"Skulduggery..."

"Do we have to talk about this _now_?"

"Yes _now_."

"Don't you have a killer headache too? Or is it just me?" he whined.

"I'm not think about that, I'm just thinking that we spent the night half naked on your chair!" Her voice steadily rose in pitch and tone over the course of the sentence.

"Back to the crux of the matter," he muttered.

"Yes, yes indeed. What the hell happened last night?" she asked again, a little quieter, having seen him wince at the shrillness of her voice.

"Having a perfect memory, I think we..." But then he trailed off.

"You don't know, do you?"

"I'm just thinking." They stood in silence for a little while.

"Skulduggery, _do not_ go back to sleep."

"Damn." He stretched, though Valkyrie couldn't see the point as he had no muscles, which made last night all the more improbable. "Well, my perfect memory says-"

"Can you drop your perfect memory for just one second? There's no room in this conversation for your ego."

"Valkyrie, there's always room for my ego." She growled at him. "Déjà vu," muttered Skulduggery.

"Come again?"

"You've growled at me before."

"What?" Valkyrie had lost track of the conversation.

"My memory seems to be telling me that you've growled at me before. Recently."

"How recently?"

"Last night recently." He paused. "How kinky of you." She punched his arm. "What? It is kinky!"

"We don't know that even happened," she growled.

"Again with the growling."

"Stop it."

"Fine, Marilyn Monroe." She punched him again.

"If we can try and figure out why we're in this mess now, that'd be great. I'm trying to remember what happened, but it's all a headachy blur."

"I know. In case I didn't mention it before, I am in pain too."

"I don't care."

"You're being cruel Valkyrie."

"I don't care." She ran her hands through her hair distractedly, trying to remember anything. "This is like having a hangover," muttered Skulduggery darkly. They simultaneously froze.

"I didn't take you out drinking, did I?" asked Skulduggery.

"I... don't....know..." Valkyrie said slowly. "I remember shouting and rowdiness..."

"There was definitely shouting and rowdiness..."

"I think you fell down the stairs..."

"We _had_ just caught that murderer..."

"I think you were crying..." They stood in silence for a little while. "You took me out drinking!"

"Now, we don't know that-"

"You really are irresponsible."

"We aren't sure-"

"Irresponsible, Skulduggery."

"Well... I have been known to be irresponsible before."

"But you're a skeleton. How can you drink?"

There was a silence before he answered. "I can't eat or drink, that much I know, as I'm never hungry or thirsty and have none of the required organs. However, when it comes to alcohol, things are different. Kenspeckle thinks that because bones are vaguely porous, I absorb alcohol in the air and can get hammered that way. So despite being a skeleton, I can still be a barrel of laughs too."

They stood in silence for a little while, both nursing their respective hangovers.

"Skulduggery..."

"I thought we had a no talking rule."

"When did we _ever_ agree that?"

"Just now."

"That was just you, Skulduggery."

"Oh."

"There's still one thing I don't get."

"Just one?"

"Why was I lying in my dressing gown on top of you?" Valkyrie suddenly realised just how good the silence had been. "Is this something we want to know?" Skulduggery asked

"No, but we probably should know."

"Probably?"

"Doubtlessly."

"Well, my perfect memory appears to have been kick-started by the déjà vu." He leant back against the wall in an alarming way; alarming as in it made Valkyrie's heart beat much faster. "I don't remember anything overly... erotic," he finally said.

"Ok." Valkyrie felt her face blush. _It's so unfair_, she thought_, he hasn't got any blood to blush with_. Then another voice spoke. _At least he gets to remember_. Awkwardness had seized their tongues, making it hard to talk. "So what happened?" she asked. Valkyrie's face could fry eggs it was so hot.

"I want to say 'not much' but that's not really true. Because so much happened in one way, and not much in another."

"What do you mean?" The other voice in her head wanted to scream this; it wanted to know.

"Sensuality, touch, warmth: these are things I can feel. You gave them to me last night."

"How can you remember all this?"

"I remember things I like." This silence was different; this silence was charged, charged with the static between them and the heat from inside Valkyrie. "Things you... like?" she said slowly.

"That's what I said."

"You mean-"

"I liked last night, Valkyrie." He was staring at her now and Valkyrie felt like she was about to fall into his eye sockets. "It's not everyday I meet someone who – who wants to do that. With me." Her inside had fallen away into his eyes and her brain, heart and soul were next. "Last night... it's a shame we forgot it." She took a step closer to him, blood screaming through her ears. "You did; I didn't." he pointed out. She took another step towards him, something which Skulduggery was aware of. He tilted his head to the side.

"That's why it's a shame." She tilted her head too.

"Why's that?" She was right in front of him now.

"Because I would really like to remember." The silence was like fire now and it burned round her ears, warming the room to a hundred degrees. "Or if I can't remember," her hands were on his collar now, "I would really like to do it again."

"You're still a little drunk, aren't you?"

"So are you."

"What's your point?"

"We did it last night, we can do it again." He didn't answer. Instead, he picked her up and carried her to his chair.

* * *

In due course, Valkyrie finally asked something. She adjusted her dressing gown slightly, letting it fall a little lower before speaking. "Skulduggery?"

"Mmmm hmmm?"

"What did you mean when you said: 'Because so much happened in one way, and not much in another'?"

"Oh that." He turned to face her. "Physically, little happened."

"So the other thing is the 'so much'? What was it?" she asked coyly.

"I realised something."

"What?"

"Something important."

"Skulduggery..."

"I love the way you do that, always have, ever since I met you." He paused. "I realised that wasn't the only thing I loved. I love you; you and your perfect entirety."

Valkyrie was only slightly stunned. Maybe because she herself had realised that from the moment she woke up this morning that she loved him too, she had half expected him to love her back. Not because she was being arrogant, but because she knew they were the only people perfect for each other; like lungs and oxygen, it just made sense; it was the only thing that could ever work. "I love you too."

"I guessed as much." She playfully hit his collar.

"I knew, actually. The moment I woke up this morning I knew and I-"

"Valkyrie?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and kiss me please."

"That is extremely disrespectful." She kissed him anyway.

"I'm irresistible," he said. She hit him again, laughing this time.

* * *

_Epilogue: About 2 Hours Later_

"I'm going to go and get dressed."

"You do that." She paused in the doorway, glancing back at Skulduggery: her lover. She couldn't help but smile.

"You know I can still see you, don't you?"

"I did not."

"Are you still going to get dressed?"

"I'm just bracing myself to walk there."

"It's not that far."

"I'd like to see _you_ walk there, after that."

"Point taken."


End file.
